I can’t wait to sleep with you - in the most innocent form - so when I wake up from bad dreams or wake up from one of those “you’re falling off of something” flinches, I can just roll over and snuggle in your safeness
This week, we shared our feelings for each other, but we also talked about how a relationship is not possible until you have been sober for awhile, and until your heart is healed. I know this situation isn’t like the others that I have been in in the past. I want to be patient and not rush you, but I am feeling scared and vulnerable because I have been strung along before. You told me that you feel better about me than you’ve ever felt about anyone. I want to believe you, but my insecurities are overwhelming. In the meantime, I’m crying out for faith that Jesus will restore and redeem all that was lost and broken in your life. I think I’m falling in love with you.
We’ve all been in that awkward place. The one where we’re crushing hardcore on someone, but aren’t really sure if they’re putting out the same vibe. It can be confusing—and especially for females. Why? Because most guys are idiots (this writer included) who either don’t know what they want so they don’t know how to go about deciding, or know what they want—or don’t want—and are too cowardly to make that fact known. We’re a sad, scraggly bunch, we men.
So, how can a girl tell when a guy isn’t really interested in her from a romantic standpoint? Well, there are signs. How do you tell what those signs are? I’m going to tell you if you’d just be patient. What if we don’t want to be patient, Cory? What if we want to know them NOW? Fine. I’ll tell you, but you have to buy me seasons 1-6 of One Tree Hill after. Deal?
Without further delay, I proudly present, “Cory Copeland’s Guide on How to Tell if a Dude Doesn’t Like You” (that title depressed me just as much as it did you *sigh*):
If he does…find a way to keep pushing your dates back. You would assume that this whole scenario would be self-explanatory, but…you’d be wrong. Guys have things going on. We work, we play (video games), we watch our John Wayne movies for the 1,027th time (don’t you even THINK about dissing the Duke). We’re busy. BUT, if a guy is interested in a girl, he will find a way to see her. So if Chet Stedman keeps canceling your dates because other stuff came up or he regularly has things he “forgot about” that he has to do pronto, then it’s safe to assume that he either a.) isn’t interested in dating you, or b.) he’s too busy to devote even a little bit of his attention to you. Either way, you lose. Don’t shoot me, I’m just the messenger.
If he doesn’t…contact you first most days. Whether we want to admit it or not, guys also get excited at the possibility of something new romantically. We get butterflies, okay?! Back off! With that in mind, remember that this particular excitement bleeds in to us wanting to talk to you (if we like you), so we do our best to contact you first. If we aren’t really interested, more than likely, you’re going to have to initiate the conversation most days. And then, it will be like pulling teeth to get us to say anything. Basically, we’re the Beast before Belle worked her magic on him.
If he does…mention other girls to or around you. This one is tricky. If we like you, we’re going to do our best not to cause trouble. And since women are notoriously jealous creatures (yes, I said it; I regret nothing), we don’t want all the drama that would come by mentioning how cute and/or funny another girl is. If we’re not interested, it’s not a big deal to mention to our friends (read: you, honey) how that one girl in the shorts and pair of Ugg boots is kinda cute (which then causes you to act like that Carrie chick who was Jamie’s nanny, but was actually in love with Nathan, but then kidnapped Jamie at Luke’s mom’s wedding, but got away when Dan found them in that motel room, but then ALSO kidnapped Dan, drugged him and then chased him and Haley through a cornfield with an ax!! MY GOD WHAT AN AWESOME SHOW!!!!). In any case, if he’s eyeballing other chicks, it’s a safe bet that he isn’t picking up what you’re putting down.
If he doesn’t…buy and/or make you anything. Men are notoriously bad at conveying their feelings. It’s pathetic actually. We’re afraid of being seen as weak. So how do we tell a girl we like her without actually saying those fear-ridden words? WE BUY HER STUFF. Meals, trinkets, jewelry, houses—it doesn’t matter. That’s how we prove our love. So if you’re out with a guy (even in a group of friends), and he doesn’t make it a point to at least offer to pay for your meal, there’s a good chance he only sees you as another girl who’s making googly eyes at him when you think he isn’t looking. Again, honey, I’m sorry to have to point this out…
If he does… get super weird and distant after you guys make out. Don’t start shaking your head at me. Maybe not all of us have made out with someone we didn’t really like, but it happens. So, if you two have gotten intimate, but afterwards, you don’t hear from him or see him for a while, there’s a good chance he isn’t actually interested; he just wanted to see if he could “conquer” you (that or you’re just a really bad kisser!). I know, I know. Men are pigs. I’m with you, sweetie. We can’t all be Sully to your Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman (that’s right; I went there).
These five tips should give you a good head start on figuring out if a guy likes you or not. As always, take this advice with a miniscule grain of salt, and remember that you probably should rethink listening to a guy who has watched every single episode of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and considers Dr. Michaela Quinn his one lost love.
(I like to keep it funny on the Twitter. Follow me here. Thanks for reading, you guys!)
Can you help me out with something? I’m trying to figure out who it is that decides what’s acceptable in society. Is it a single person, or is it a group of people like in that movie, The Skulls (don’t shake your head at me; you watched it too. Joshua Jackson? Paul Walker? C’mon)? I need to know this because whoever it is making these decisions for society deserves a swift punch to the throat. And that’s putting it nicely.
In today’s American world, there is a certain way adulthood is to be approached. If you’re “smart” about it, as soon as you graduate high school, you pick a career at the age of 18, and then spend the next four years in college learning all you can about your chosen field of study. Then, once you’ve graduated college in four years or less (IT CANNOT BE MORE THAN FOUR YEARS!), you are to immediately find a job in said field, spending the next 40 to 50 years working and advancing in your field of study. Along the way, you also should have found a mate, produced 2.5 children, and bought a house in a quiet neighborhood all while possessing many leather bound books that make your office smell of rich mahogany . It’s really all very simple. Except when it’s not…
I don’t hide the fact that I’ve never been to college. College wasn’t for me, and I knew that. Does that allow others to look upon me and my qualifications in a more negative light? Sometimes. Do I regret not attending some institution where higher learning was made available? Nope. Is my opinion slanted in support of those who prefer to take the time to figure out who they are as a person rather than blindly commit to a life in which they will be unhappy? Without question. I understand that some folks know what they want and who they want to be from an early age. But what of the rest? What about those square pegs that don’t fit in society’s round holes? Why must they be discounted simply because they’ve found a reason to breathe, and have taken their time in finding their own way through life?
I’ve said all of that to lead to this: don’t let someone else tell you what type of life you should be leading. There isn’t some massive scoreboard that says you have to be at this point in your life by this age, or you have to have this accomplished by this point in life. That’s all rubbish. Just because those around you have found their way quicker than you have does not mean you are falling behind. We each have our own path, and that path is both chosen and blazed by us—and only us. If you don’t want to go to college immediately, don’t. If you’d rather take a few semesters off to figure out who you are and what you want out of this life, then do that. Ultimately, it’s your life to lead. Be what you want to be, do what you want to do, and do it on your own timetable.
I get that my “advice” may come with some caveat. Who am I to offer life advice? But in the end, we all must choose our own path. It can’t be chosen for us. Only we can decide what will make us happy, and what will fulfill us to the point of contentment. It’s in those life decisions that we finally find ourselves. Society can’t determine your path for you—at least they shouldn’t be able to.
Find your own path, and go your own way; you’ll be glad you did.
(You NEED to be following me on Twitter. Do it here. As always, thanks for reading!)
Whenever you catch me gazing at you with reverie, know that I’m picturing you years from now, when wrinkles have nestled around your eyes and mouth … you’ll be stunningly beautiful then, graceful, and elegant. And there will never be another girl with whom I’d like to be with more than you, not then or now.
(Today marks the beginning of a random, no-schedule-to-speak-of round of guest posts by a few young writers I feel deserve a better audience. Today’s is from Lauren St. Martin who writes on her blog here and tweets on the Twitterhere. Read her, follow her, and enjoy her. As always, thanks for reading, and I’ll be back writing on Monday. In the meantime, you can follow me on Twitterhere. Have a great weekend.-Cory)
When Cory first asked me to write about something I’ve learned in a relationship, I started laughing. Really hard. You see, I’ve never actually had a “relationship.” I’m 23, and perpetually single. The few dates I’ve had were with a guy I met in college, and even in the midst of them, I knew that I was only hanging out with him because my friends had all left the state. I was lonely, and he had The Office and Scrubs on DVD. I count myself blessed to have realized this before either one of us got truly attached. But this isn’t what I want to write about.
While I may have never been in any “real” relationships, I have been in my fair share of relationships—in my head.
*Disclaimer: I am single…because I choose to be. This is not me being sad that I’m single, or looking for my future Mr. Also, I do not fall in love with every single guy that fits what I’m about to describe. Give me some credit.
I think it’s something most females experience, and perhaps males as well, though I won’t speak for them. I know that it’s not limited to the overly romantic, because I do not fall into that category. I’d rather watch Braveheart than a Nicolas Sparks movie any day, and I think that the love in “love at first sight” should be replaced by the more accurate “lust.” But despite all my realist and cynical views, I still fall into the trap of make believe.
It can be something as little as a guy opening the door for me, but more often than not, it’s witty banter back and forth. Nothing like a duel of sarcasm to make me start day dreaming about the hilarious conversations we will have when we eventually get married. I imagine our poor children who will have to wait through our hilarious retorts to get a straight response out of us on their latest life crisis. I picture what our first date will be like, and what I’ll be wearing. It certainly doesn’t help when friends start asking what’s going on between me and “Albert” (Yes, I may have named him), and start confirming that he really must be in love with me since he mentioned the same thing I did on Facebook and we both wore blue on the same day! But eventually, reality hits, and I find out the guy I’ve been flirting with is really into my friend, coworker, or the incredibly girlie girl who is nothing like me.
I tell myself I’ll be alright, that he’s just my friend and nothing happened—but we all know that that’s not how life works. It’s hard, because I dropped my guard, and left my heart open. There is a reason we’re told to “Guard our heart.” EVERYTHING we do is affects it!
I think the reason it’s so difficult to keep our heart guarded is because we aren’t meant to be soulless, emotionless, disconnected beings. We’re meant to connect! We’re meant to share our stories and thoughts with people. But this can be dangerous, whether you’re single, dating, or married. So, somehow, we must find that line between being vulnerable and being involved.
I can’t tell you where that line is, because this is something I’m still trying to figure out for myself, though I’ve gotten better over the years. I can tell you that the answer isn’t to hide yourself and never open up. It isn’t to fall head over heels with everyone we might remotely be attracted to. It lies somewhere in the grayed-out middle.
Every now and then, I like to do what I can to help my fellow man out. And while it’s no secret that I’ve had a failed relationship or two (or seven), the truth is that I believe I know how to treat a lady. Through many, many, many trials of error, I’ve taught myself the ways to make a young lady feel special and wanted—at least I hope so. It’s really not very hard if you just put a little thought and effort into it; it can be fairly simple actually.
While I am no expert on the female brain or how such a magnificently confusing mechanism works, I do have a few ideas on how to make that special little lady in your life feel even more special. Yes, it is possible—kinda like when Devon Sawa smiled at Icebox, and she melted right out of her cleats and shoulder pads (Little Giants reference for…the…win!).
So, I’m here to share a few tips with you guys. Follow this list, and I guarantee she’ll be wearing your proverbial letter jacket for the foreseeable future. Quick note:most of these are better suited for when you’re already in the throes of a relationship with a young lady. Otherwise, tailor them to your own needs.
Regardless and forthwith, I present to you, “Cory Copeland’s Guide to Making Her Feel Special”:
Share Yourself with Her I could literally feel your eyes roll from here…but stick with me. A female likes to feel included in her man’s life. That’s a given. But let’s take it a step further, and not only share the big parts of your life with her, but the small, intimate things that make you the wonderful man that you are. Send her a few links to your favorite songs from the YouTube; invite her over to watch your favorite movie on DVD (“Saving Private Ryan” IS an acceptable choice; anything with Meryl Streep IS NOT); lend her some of your favorite books. Not only are you sharing your favorite things with her—which will make her feel wanted—but you’re also giving her a more in-depth view of who you are as a person. This is a good thing.
Smile at Her Again, this seems like a simple task, but sometimes guys forget to alert their face that they’re happy. Want her to feel like Julie the Cat when that goober-looking goalie from the varsity team started paying her attention (D3 anybody? Anybody?)? Smile when you see her. When she enters a room you’re already in and she catches your eye, smile at her. She’ll smile back, and you’ll make her feel all warm and cuddly on the inside (unless she’s still mad at something you did earlier, in which case you’re on your own). Again, this is a good thing.
You Like Her? Tell Her This seems like an easy enough idea, but it usually isn’t. Usually, once we’ve allowed the female to know we’re interested in her, we feel she should assume the same moving forward. And to us, that makes sense. But the female mind likes to be assured, and done so often. So if you like this sweet little lady, tell her. If you’re sitting there watching a movie or something, just look over at her, smile, and tell her that you do, indeed, still think she is the greatest thing since Wendy Peffercorn. This can only cause good things to happen in your relationship*. *Note: Only do this if you actually like the girl. If you don’t anymore, don’t lead her on. Be a man, and tell the truth.
Call Her…on the Phone Yes, I realize texting is the best thing ever invented, but sometimes a girl likes to hear her man’s voice in her ear (that reads creepier than I intended). Not only will she appreciate you taking the time to call her, but she’ll also know that she means more to you because you’re actually making a tangible effort in the relationship. Just don’t do that whole, “You hang-up. No, YOU hang-up” thing; it’s annoying/disgusting.
Send Her Hand-Written Letters through the Mail This is like the mighty Mecca of romantic gestures. In fact, I tweeted something to this affect last week, and nearly the whole Western hemisphere retweeted it. Why? Because girls like getting mail! Actually…everybody does. And if it’s a hand-written letter crafted by a guy who is genuinely making an effort to woo his lady beyond their initial meeting, it will mean even more. So take a few minutes to write out a thoughtful letter to her. Lick the envelope, put the Elvis commemorative stamp on it, do the whole bit. Then send it to her, and wait. In a couple of days, you will be placed on a whole new pedestal in her life. She will appreciate you making such a grand—yet simple—gesture. I am guaranteeing it right now!
These few tips should get you guys started for now. Like I said, it’s really a simple concept: treat her the way you would want to be treated if you were a girl. Wait…that’s a little twisted, even for me. Never mind. Look, just be a genuine gentleman, and remember that a woman’s heart is won within the details of your courtship.
(You should be following me on Twitter. Do it here. Thanks for reading, friends!)
My dream is to live and work overseas in a developing nation, helping those in need. I want to share that dream with you - we can be the couple that does this. I hope that we can then bring some children into the world, appropriately exposing them to the harsh reality of life. This will allow them to appreciate life a lot more, rather than being spoiled and hidden from the suffering in this world. I want to teach them from a young age so they too will grow up with generous hearts. This is all I can picture at this moment in time. I don’t know you as of yet, well, I can’t be sure if I’ve met you or not. I hope this is God’s plan for our lives as a couple. I love you, you attractive man of God!
A friend of mine just told me a story of how she demanded that her boyfriend take her on a first date to the most expensive restaurant in town, just to prove that he was willing to commit. Immediately after hearing the story, I wanted to let you know a few things. Firstly, I have been waiting to meet you for the last 19 years, and I have never been in a relationship to speak of because I’d rather save it all for you. Secondly, now that you know how long I’ve been waiting, you should know that you will NEVER have to test me like that. If I’m pursuing a relationship with you, it’s because I think God has led me directly to you, and I’m gonna spend the rest of my life on Earth by your side. No need to pressure me into “proving” myself to you. I’m in for the long haul.
The title for this post comes from one of my favorite books—Jack Kerouac’s The Subterraneans.
“…and then when they learn I’m not a hoodlum, but some kind of crazy saint, they don’t like it, and moreover, they’re afraid I’ll suddenly become a hoodlum anyway…”
In this particular passage, Kerouac is describing how civilians see him as he stumbles down the street, drunk and looking particularly thuggish for his time. He states that because of how he appears, they assume he’s a hoodlum, but he’s not—he considers himself simply a crazy saint who’s trying to find his way. His feelings are hurt because people he does not know—and probably will never know—assume the worst about him. He wants to convince them he is actually good, and would never do them any harm. But then again, Kerouac wrote this particular book in only three days while high on hallucinogens, so maybe those people did have a point after all.
Regardless, these few broken lines have spoken to me since the day I read them. In my copy of the book, I even have them highlighted so that they are easily found. They speak to me because I know how he feels. People I know, and people I do not, have seen the mistakes I’ve made in the past, and readily assume that I am the same hoodlum that perpetrated those sins—but I’ve changed. I’ve said words I shouldn’t. I’ve taken things that weren’t mine. I’ve slept with women I didn’t love. I’ve sinned, and done so heavily. I realize this and embrace my past so that I may learn from it. But I can honestly say that I am no longer that man. I am changed. I’m not a hoodlum.
The same can go for you if you so choose. Yes, you’ve sinned, and yes, you’ve done things you shouldn’t, but your past does not determine your future. Each day of forgiveness, we are made anew in God and His mercy. Let that be our mantra. We may have been a “hoodlum” in our past, and others may assume the worst of us because of those sins, but we are better than our past would dictate.
I won’t pretend the opinion of others has no bearing on our conscious; it does—for some more than others. But if we’ve made a dignified change in our lifestyle, and we are working toward the betterment of our times, then let those naysayers think what they want. We are no longer hoodlums. We are the good and the kind. We are the righteous. We’re not hoodlums; we’re just those crazy saints.
“They do so much, they can hold as easily as they can bruise.”
Yours will do much … they have throughout your life, from your lyrical diction to the caring words formulated from the tip of your fingers. The callouses which sprouted from bar chords and too many blissful hours now accentuates their beauty. They will trace lines that only you have seen, and I’ll grow ever-more proud and amazed of you. In time they will hold your child, and she will feel your tenderness through your touch and the love you bestow on all things you hold; when they are wrapped in paper and the twilight sun bathes your skin, I will love you more then than I ever had in my life.