I lay here crying because I already regret the night where I will have to sit there and tell you about the boys I’ve been with. I’ve been working on becoming a woman of God, and He teaches me something new everyday. I pray that you will be like my father. Always understanding, on fire for Christ and turn to God through the hard times we are bound to go through. I pray every day that Christ will be the center of our relationship. If so, we can conquer anything. Divorce will never even be an option. Help me want to be a better person. Let your love for me and our children mirror Christ’s love for His church. I’ve been waiting for you for such a long time. You are the only one I want and I can’t wait to meet you, if I haven’t already.
I can’t wait to wake up next to you every morning. I’ll cook you breakfast while wearing your t-shirt from yesterday. We’ll have pillow fights, watch movies, and drink hot chocolate. We’ll share secrets while we cuddle and fall asleep. And everyday will special simply because I have you.
I’m sorry that I’m not perfect. I’m sorry that I get angry, or grumpy, or forgetful. I’m sorry for when I flip the toilet paper the wrong way, forget to buy milk, or throw away something important. I’m sorry for when I burn dinner, sing off key in the shower, and get a flat tire and ask you to change it for me. I know I’m not perfect. But I will love you with all of my imperfect heart, and the only thing I ask is that you love me when I’m grumpy. Love me when I’m angry, love me when I forget something. Love me when I burn dinner, love me when there’s no milk in the house, when our lights get turned off because I forgot to pay the electric bill, and when I delete your favorite show from the DVR. Love me through all of this, and I will love you with everything I have. Every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep, I will thank God for bringing you to me. Because when you love me when I’m imperfect, I will love you with everything I have.
I have come to a realization that I have a tendency of attracting players. I thought I was the problem so I changed myself and fell in love with Jesus along the way. Come to find out guys are the still the same. I cannot wait for you to rescue me from this sea of confusion. Do not be alarmed if I run away from you. I am just scared is all, but I know that you are not like them.
I know I’ve probably said this before, but I really do think I’ve found you. Your timing couldn’t have been more off kilter, and I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with you when I did, but it happened and I’m glad it did. I need you to be patient with me while I continue to grow closer to God and develop into a true woman of God. I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.
This bit of quote is from Friedrich Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra. When I first read it, I became incensed as my natural inclination to defend my God and my beliefs sprang forth. I found myself wanting to . .
I hope my next and last girlfriend is you. Just know that there are broken pieces of my heart that I know only you can pick up and put back together. I deserve you and I know you’re out there waiting for me too.
Sometimes I worry that I’ll never be in love again. I think the first time I was truly in love was with Travis. I’ve never been with anyone else who I constantly wanted to surround myself with. Every waking moment was spent thinking about him, even after we broke up. To this day, I still think of him so often. When I fell in love with him I thought I was finally done. I felt as though I could stop searching and devote all my energy and love into this one human being. I was terribly wrong. That was two years ago. Since then I’ve only dated two guys longer than a month. Both of them only lasted about 2-3 months. Now I’m leaving and moving to a new place that has god knows what in store. I just want to feel what I felt with Travis again. I can never have him back. He’s so happy with his new guy and I am so happy for them. They’ve been together for close to two years and last time I spoke to Travis, he seemed genuinely content. I wish I had that same level of contentment in my personal life. The truth is, even when it comes to friends I’m a f*** up. I’ve never maintained a friendship longer than a few years. Mandy and Jeff are by far my longest friends. I mean, I have contact with people from the past but as far as having an integral part in my social circle, it’s just them. Now that I’m moving, I’m worried that even that might change. As much as I adore them and it is reciprocated, a thousand miles does a lot. And all I want to do right now as my mind is filled with an assortment of worries, doubts and fears is to have you hold me and tell me everything will end up the way it should. Furthermore, in this small fraction of my life, I wish you were Travis. I hope that by the time you read these messages our love has grown to the point of overshadowing all my life before our beginning. I want to be so enamored with you that I forget who I am and can only see the beauty that is our love. I want you to be as desperately devoted to me as I to you. I want, I want, I want. But if I never meet you, if my life is meant to be a sadistic, cosmic blunder, I want you to know that I still love you. Your existence is not necessary for me to dream of the life I look forward to having. It’s the dream that keeps me pushing forward into the unknown. Thank you for being that dream. If you do exist, if you are reading this right now, lean over and kiss me as if you’ll never see me again.
I think about you all the time. Literally. The thought of you even calms me down enough to be able to sleep at night. It’s probably “unmanly” of me, but I don’t care. You are beautiful. The problem is I don’t think you know and we are literally an ocean away. Anyway, I miss you.
It’s funny…I’m real good with emotions. I can empathize with others and discuss and deal with those feelings, but, when it comes to my own, I’m hesitant. So here I am barely staying afloat in my flaws and I’m writing a letter to you, to the woman with the biggest and most beautiful heart this side of heaven.
What prompted this is *sigh* the females I’ve been involved with. I don’t feel anything emotionally for them anymore. Some old feeling flare up but they are quickly extinguished. Ever since I made the commitment to you, a person I never even met *haha*, they don’t do anything for me. I’m too busy dreaming of, hoping for, and praying for you.
I’ve grown a LOT. Soo much. But I have such a long way to go. God is working in me and in my family and friends and excited to see what He’s gonna do. I know a lot of people say they can’t wait to meet their spouse, but I can wait. My reason? I’m not the man I need to be yet, you deserve so much more than what I am. I still so many childish ways. But by His grace I’ll get there.
So I’m going keep growing and keep doing my best. You are always on my mind and always on my heart. I love you Miss, wherever you are…
Love is beautiful…
…when you feel you might burst from the happiness that’s ravaged your bones and electrified your insides, all because you’ve fallen for the one who completes the beat of your heart and filled the emptiness of your hand.
Love is lonely…
…when you’ve fallen for the far off one. Yet …
When love came to my life I had quit looking for it. Having been through relationship after relationship, I decided I was through looking. If it came, it came. I was traveling with a group of guys in a ministry that was …
With gay marriage such a hot topic these past couple of weeks, I asked my dear friend Brittny if she’d be willing to open up and discuss her views on the subject. Being a Christian member of the gay community, I thought an insight into her thoughts and what she deals with on a daily basis would be …
I know you understand that I’ve never been religious, and that while I might not share your beliefs, I love you and your devout faith. I love you for understanding that atheists aren’t “bad people.” I love you for loving the true me for me and not forcing me to believe in things that I simply don’t believe in, just as I love the true you for being a servant to the God that you love.
Sometimes, I feel ready. For you. For us. I feel ready to hold your hand and know that you’re there. To be in love with you. To face things together. To count on you and be counted on by you. To be wrapped in your arms and never want to leave. To be a reason for your smile. To follow your lead.
But then I realize I’m not ready. I’m young. I’m foolish. There are things I need to do, see, and experience before I get to you. Things I need to learn and understand. There are places in my life I have to come to, there are things inside I need to come to grips with. I’m not ready for you. You’re probably not ready for me either.
And that’s okay.
It’s just that I know when I’m with you… I’ll feel like I’m home. And, well, I guess sometimes I just feel homesick.
Yes, I will probably do most of the cleaning of our house. Only because I’m a clean freak, not because that is my role in the relationship. I know you will also believe in taking the initiative when something needs to be done and not just waiting for the specific person to do the job. This and your humor will be what causes me to fall in love with you.
I’m looking forward to the small things in life: waking up beside you, seeing your toothbrush next to mine, digging past your cologne and shaving cream in the medicine cabinet. How bad could forever be if it’s by your side?
Much has been said about gay marriage over the past week. Anger, resentment, and foul words have been yelled, typed, tweeted, and felt. And right in the middle of all of it has been we Christians. Because of our deep dedication to the Church and …
I look for you in every boy that I meet. I just miss you so much. I hope that right now you are growing so much more deeper in your faith just like me. I just can’t wait to meet you and talk about everything.
I have a very different view of beauty now.. I used to think of it as someone with the perfect smile, faultless teeth, someone with an amazing body. But now? I’ve come to realize beauty really does come from the heart, from your soul. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever known and ever will know. That’s why when people ask me about a ‘hot chick’ walking down the street barely wearing anything, I’ll tell them straight off - I’m not interested, she won’t turn my head. Because there’s a difference between being physically attractive and being beautiful, and you’re what I’m after.
We will never stop going on dates. We’ll never stop acting silly. We’ll never stop playing. We’ll never stop having movie nights, making pallets on the floor and eating popcorn. We’ll never stop telling each other our secrets. We’ll never stop being best friends. We’ll never stop being young and in love.
With every moment we spend together, I am feeling more and more like you are the one. I enjoy spending time with you, and time always flies when we are together. Thank you for being so patient while my heart heals from my past mistakes and hurts with another man. I am so content with where we are at, but I am so excited and hoping and praying that I will spend the rest of my life with you.
I’m waiting with baited breath to see what God has in store for us.